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About Varied / Hobbyist Member A.J.Other/Australia Recent Activity
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The Newest S**t from me. :3 Enjoy!

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I haven't submitted anything in ageeeees and I'm sorry. :3 Forgive me, peeps~ But I got no inspiration. My brain has gone a little holiday and I've just been reading The Hobbit fanfiction lately. :/

So here is proof of me and Totoro still alive (lol I'm a bit scruffy in this pic but hey, I aint no super model :P) and still being complete nerds~!

Untitled by LaptopNinja510

Untitled by LaptopNinja510


 Okie dokie, lots of love to you all and hopefully my muse comes back... T_T I miss her. 

-Your-currently-lost-in-his-mind-ninja

P.S. I need to send my friends letter soon

P.P.S Did I tell you I go a tax rebate? Well, I did! And I am so happy :D I'm gonna buy me a chest binder and perhaps some new glasses. Then the rest is gonna go to savings because rainy days are always inevitable- you just gotta be prepared for them, y'know? ;)
  • Mood: Hungry
  • Listening to: African Princess - Korede Bello
  • Reading: Emails, Empty Closets posts, Tumblr
  • Drinking: Water
Just a quick update that I recently submitted a new piece called "Bitter Grief". I pretty much explain in the piece how it was inspired and all that but I did forget to mention that during the whole writing process of it, I listened to Couple Song by Ra.D ft Kelley.

Hope you enjoy.

-Your-grieving-ninja

P.S. It feels like I'm starting the grieving process all over again.. *Sigh* well, at least I have something to tell my psychologist...
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: Give Me All - Sammy J ft. Fiji
  • Reading: Emails, Empty Closets posts, EP posts
  • Drinking: Water
One tear leads to two streaming slowly down my face.
More tears have joined,
and it's not long before I am crying quietly.
Curled up on my side as if to protect myself from the pain.

But it doesn't work...It never does...
My heart aches and beats simultaneously;
a mix of pain & necessity
with every hurried beat.

-Why do I hurt, you ask? Why do I cry?-

Because of a dream.
A hopeless, fleeting dream.
Where I entertained thoughts of domesticity. A wife-
My wife glowing as all new Mother's do.

Can you see her as I do?
By now, her tummy protrudes just a bit. Her creamy flawless skin stretched tight with scatterings of stretch marks...
Her swollen belly houses a boy- Our little boy.

And I am overcome with feeling at this vision;
to protect, to treasure, to love
this beautiful creature.
For the gift she gives so readily.

My heart longs for this,
Pines for it to be real.

But it isn't.

I can only lay there sobbing in the dark, yearning for a hopeless dream..
I grieve for the life I could of had.
Bitter Grief
I hate the moments when something you realized a long time ago but buried deep within you, comes back in full force and reminds you.
For me, that was at about 3 this morning. I couldn't sleep so I just lay there thinking in the dark, and an old thought came back and all I could was curl up in a ball and sob quietly.

That I will never be able to start my own biological family with a female partner.

This thought just makes me feel empty inside and terribly sad. It's the reason why I settled with being genderfluid because I couldn't be content with being just a transman. Because of what I biologically am, I can't be a total male and no amount of surgeries or hormones can enable me to miraculously impregnate my female partner. It's probably why I try to distract myself with fantasies of men because falling for a woman...I feel that I would just disappoint her. 

And what hurts so much and the fact that I had a crying fit at 3 in the morning is that I won't ever be able to see my wife with her body taut and swollen with our child. Our child- living and breathing proof of our union, of our love....And I know there's IVF but it won't be the same.
I'm paralyzed with sadness and a longing so deep and I know that this is a hopeless dream but it doesn't make the pain or tears stop..

-Your-Grieving-Ninja
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LaptopNinja510
A.J.
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Australia
Hello there! Welcome to my page~ *bows & holds out a rose*

~~~~~~~~~~~
"You cannot be her. She is far away. She....she is far, far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world. It was just a dream.... Do you think she could have loved me?"
-DoS, Kili.
~~~~~~~~~~~

My name is AJ and I'm 18. I was born in Middle Earth AKA Aotearoa [Lol, Jealous?] but moved to the the U.S, spending my childhood there. At the moment, I am currently living in Australia. *shout out to all my fellow Aussies*

Personally, I'm pretty laid-back and calm but I seem to balance on the fine-line of craziness and emotional random-ness... I'm a simple person and I try to enjoy the good things like good food, insightful people and of course, chocola- I mean, music. Most people describe me as calm, sarcastic, and very funny. (Friends say this, enemies may say the opposite..)
I'd also like to say that I identify as Genderfluid/Genderqueer and would prefer if you would use gender neutral pronouns if mentioning/writing to me. (Thank you in advance!) However, in regards to matters of the heart, I'm a queer panromantic transman.

In regards to my art, well...see for yourself. It's a variety and I try to branch myself out there. In saying that, I mostly stick to writing poetry (I know- who would've thought?) and photography. I draw mostly doodles really and my skills as an artist are still amateur and have room for a lot of improvement. *I don't really do all the high-tech photo manipulations or digital art....yeah, sorry guys- I'm no good with that stuff. You'd only get crap from me if I tried.

Inspiration usually comes to me through fiery visions of angels singing from the heave- Pft! Yeah, yeah I'm kidding... Actually my inspiration comes randomly and comes from anything.

Random facts about me:
-I wear glasses :]
-Adventure Time makes me crack up like the child I am...
-Newest shopping item acquired: A pair of military boots
-Lol I just made a tumblr and will be uploading stuff I do here on there as well. Let's see how it goes...
-I enjoy making friends. Hint, hint~

*Plans for the future include:
-Travelling
-Getting several tattoos
-Going to Uni...(Advice please?)
-Buying more books (lol)
-Going to see the Hobbit!! :D I am an avid movie-goer!
-Hopefully, getting a hair cut..
& &&& much more~

Thank you to all those who give llamas, points, faves, watches, or even visits- it's greatly appreciated!!! *bows*

Ninja's Music Shuffle:

Before: C'mon - Kesha
Now: African Princess - Korede Bello
Next: Let Your Hair Down - MAGIC!
Interests
I haven't submitted anything in ageeeees and I'm sorry. :3 Forgive me, peeps~ But I got no inspiration. My brain has gone a little holiday and I've just been reading The Hobbit fanfiction lately. :/

So here is proof of me and Totoro still alive (lol I'm a bit scruffy in this pic but hey, I aint no super model :P) and still being complete nerds~!

Untitled by LaptopNinja510

Untitled by LaptopNinja510


 Okie dokie, lots of love to you all and hopefully my muse comes back... T_T I miss her. 

-Your-currently-lost-in-his-mind-ninja

P.S. I need to send my friends letter soon

P.P.S Did I tell you I go a tax rebate? Well, I did! And I am so happy :D I'm gonna buy me a chest binder and perhaps some new glasses. Then the rest is gonna go to savings because rainy days are always inevitable- you just gotta be prepared for them, y'know? ;)
  • Mood: Hungry
  • Listening to: African Princess - Korede Bello
  • Reading: Emails, Empty Closets posts, Tumblr
  • Drinking: Water

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:iconseika:
seika Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much for the llama :3

:iconllama-plz:
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:iconlilianettypr:
LilianettyPR Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconleoncio-harmr:
Leoncio-Harmr Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thanks for the favorite ! :)
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(1 Reply)
:icondigital-fantasy:
digital-fantasy Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Professional
thank you and i guess i must read catullus ;)
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(1 Reply)
:iconfinja-ohne-n:
Finja-ohne-N Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
lol. gotta love ur profile. ur my friend now. 
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